Five In One
Let me start by declaring that from the time of my last write-up, until now, many things have transpired.
- I have been devouring books faster than I can gather my thoughts. Six books in the first quarter of 2025.
- I have become quite good at drawing boundaries and pissing off people. Still have a long way to go but progress all around.
- I have found my purpose for what might be this decade of my life.
- Justin Baldoni is NOT was walking green flag.
Now that these declarations have been made, you can continue to read this piece of mini reviews, keeping those four pointers in mind.
Big City Lies - Alafair Burke
I began this book because I needed to feel a sense of excitement. That sense of dread knowing a killer is lurking, even if it’s between the pages of a book. I ditched ‘Quiet Heroines’ by Brenda McBryde, this book on British nurses during WW2 which was boring and I’m okay with boring sometimes, but it was also racist and orientalist in its writing and story telling, and picked up Big City Lies, believing that rarely do suspense thrillers ever disappoint.
The book narrates around a female detective in New York city. It does rely heavily on stereotypes, whether it is about an immigrant or whether it is about people of New York. The accent, the food, the lingo et cetra (I write the full form sometimes because after reading a British author I sometimes feel pretentious. I’ve just concluded a book on by this British author and it deserves a review of it’s own).
The story is fast, has multiple murders and the suspense rises and falls throughout. There are two endings to different murders and that is the most I will give away.
It is a good read when you’re not looking to extend yourself intellectually and just want to read for the very sake of it.
Lioness - Emily Perkins
Oh this book was juicy! This is from the series of books my Kiwi cousin sent me. It is set in New Zealand, a woman married to a wealthy builder with a 20 year age gap. The book touches how the age gap affects the protagonist’ relationship with her husband’s older friends, his adult children and their grandchildren. But the most juicy part of all is the relationship she builds with her neighbour, a woman determined to break patriarchy and the white-women-Goop-style wellness’ bones. Mid book, there is a rant where the neighbor tears into the idea of self care and wellness promoted these days, the vagueness of the word wellness and the lack of accountability that exists in the wellness space worldwide.
The current model of pretty journaling, spa’s and sound bowls promoted like the cures of cancer when infact just stifle the rawness that healing actually entails.
This book makes you think about monogamy and gender roles among other topics we rarely discuss but do silently question. If you aren’t in a relationship with a massive age gap, or in any relationship, whether you have kids or whether you dont, I recommend this for women of any age. But most especially I recommend this for women in their middle life. Because it is never too late too take a piss at patriarchy (it’s the British book).
The Daughters of Madurai - Rajasree Variyar
After the massive success that Lioness was in engaging all the right emotional and intellectual muscles, I decided the next book would obviously be the last one in the series of Kiwi cousin books. This one will be a longer review.
There is no story you have ever heard like this one, and yet it feels like one you have been a part of before.
The story is told by mother and daughter both individually and across two timelines. The mother in an older timeline, and in third person narrative while the daughter in the more recent timeline and in the first person narrative.
An Indian family living in Australia having to come to Chennai when the Patriarch of the family is on his death bed. The story unravels slowly at the beginning. Initially I was regretting my decision to have not chosen a suspense thriller to read. But I kept with this and it rewarded me. A story of love; for one’s partner, one’s best friend, one’s children and one’s mother.
It reminded me of my mother, her sacrifices and her values which have allowed me in many ways to be exactly who I am. The privilege of making a conscious decision to do what seems like the opposite of what most people my age around me choose (by choice or sadly pressure), the capitalist timeline of school > college > job>marriage> babies > (and sometimes babies with a job). Producing labour to make the wheels of capitalism turn.
This book made me value my grandmas, love my mum a bit more and miss my sister. For someone who is always weary to stray too far from suspense thrillers, this book made the detour worth it.
The Echo Man - Richard Montanari
Old habits die hard, and in my case almost never. So after a few non-suspense thrillers, I craved some murder, clues and spunky detectives. The Echo Man delivered and then some.
It begins with a prologue to a murder several years before. Then the inner consciousness of the killer speaking to the reader and moves to present day. Honestly I hate reading into the mind of the killer. I love reading into the detectives mind. See I’m a solutions focused person. Not a problem focused person. Cannot whine about the same thing more than three times. If I am, then I know I’ve got to change the situation. Not saying serial killers are whiney, but they seem pretty hung up the same profile of victims! (Breathe through that cringe I know you had and stay with me).
The book has two detectives again, one a seasoned detective from the prologue in the book, and one a mid seasoned detective. The seasoned one seems quite suspect through the book until the end when all the pieces come together.
The writer is excellent at writing suspense, if I dare say, better than Alafair Burke. The writing is brilliant, the characters do not rely on stereotypes and are developed quite thoroughly.
Read this for that extra bit of gore you may have been looking for in a murder mystery.
The Shape of Night - Tess Gerritsen
If you’re familiar with Tess Gerritsen, you know her work is murder. Not ghosts, red- blooded murder. So I picked it up expecting exactly that. Such a shocker to initial find it to be in the haunted genre. And not just any haunted genre, erotic haunted genre.
However, right when you’ve made your peace that it’s a haunted erotic novel you will actually enjoy, it switches to murder. There is the Tess Gerritsen we know and love.
It’s quite a wild ride this one, pretty sure it will shock you. And, if you’re ovulating you will definitely appreciate it.
So I do recommend this one if you’ve read Tess Gerritsen before and you’re looking for her to surprise you. But if you haven’t then, read another one of hers like The Sinner. Then come back to this.
So there, five books in one piece. I think that was pretty spectacular. I’ve tried to cover the book in my concise book review style while not giving out any spoilers. Honestly the reason I’ve been reading at speed is because I now travel to work and I don’t want to be on my phone for the whole hour I’m on the train. And the second most important reason, and the only real reason, is that I’ve given away ALL my belongings of 12 years. All except my clothes, sacred statues and my books. Given the city’s limited space, no matter how big the home you live in, it never seems enough. And I’m definitely not a minimalist. So if I want more books, I need to read and rid myself of the current ones. I no longer have the luxury of hoarding more books than I can read.
Plus this is the Year of the Snake, so I’m considering the purge of personal items part of the shedding process.
It Ends With Us- Movie Review
I just finished watching It Ends With Us. I cannot help but remember all the times I’ve felt unsafe with a man or men.
The movie has received some criticism for not being able to capture the depth of domestic violence, both the physical and emotional level of manipulation and Blake Lively has received criticism for taking a light-hearted approach to the message of the movie during promotions.
I agree with some of the criticisms but would still recommend watching it especially if you haven’t or are unlikely to read the book. The movie will unlock different memories, especially for women. I recommend watching it irrespective of your gender. Because there is no woman, and I mean no woman who has not felt that fear where in that moment, your body and being is under threat.
I do have to add that Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni do an excellent job of making you fall in love with them from their first scene together. Their chemistry is palpable. If you’re ovulating while you watch their intimate scenes, my sympathies, or not!
But when things start to go awry, initially it’s tough to watch but you start to see and you begin to resonate with the signs.
The signs, they are always there. Just that we’ve been sold fairytale love stories and often we also want to believe our relationship is one. Because if you’re not with Prince Charming then you’re probably doing it wrong, isn’t that always the message ladies? And also we’ve been taught to equate butterflies in the stomach to excitement when infact it’s anxiety.
Also on a parallel note, Justin Baldoni is a walking green flag in reality.
I don’t want to give out any spoilers but I am going to share a story. If you are a woman, both cisgender or trans gender then you know that we each have a million stories of abuse, but I’m going to dig into just one. I’ve edited this review a few times because there are a few hesitations. I’ve come to realise that men are unable to grasp the gravity of patriarchy and the effect it has on our lives. These are the ‘not all men’ men. This unfortunately has them choosing to carry on with their life as if the job of levelling the field of existence rests solely on the shoulders of women.
Sometimes I wonder how we still choose happiness even with every system rigged against us. Women are a miraculous species.
This movie, brought back many memories, which I’ve healed from, most of them at least, but it brought back one, which while seemingly subtle was enough to alter many things in my life. One of my favourite women, Glennon Doyle Melton says that when writing or sharing about trauma in particular, write from the scar and not from the wound, which translates into writing about it when you’ve healed. This allows the wisdom to come in.
So this is one of my scars. You never forget your first.
I remember my first time of abuse with a known person. Of course plenty of other times with unknown men but the known one is seared into my brain.
I had just turned 18. I was at a house party and the music in the living room got really loud and I had a headache. I’m also an introvert and social gatherings are not easy for me.
My ex-boyfriend who had cheated on me was there and so was the girl he cheated on me with. Except they had broken up three or four days ago.
I went to the only bedroom in that house for some quiet time to soothe the headache. I entered the room, closed the door behind me and didn’t really notice that the ex was there. Maybe he was sulking because the girl that he broke up with was at the party too, cozying up to some other guy. I sat on the bed and realized we were in the room alone. He asked me how I was and I answered fine because I really did not want to talk to him. I’m not somebody who is friends with their exes.
I immediately felt uncomfortable, women know this feeling, we feel it in our solar plexus first and then in the gut. My head was still hurting but I got up to leave. He immediately stood in front of the door. The music was so loud that even if I screamed nobody would have heard.
I told him I wanted to leave. He however put his right hand on the door preventing me from opening it. I froze. You know that feeling ladies, where you know you want to get the fuck out of there but you also cannot believe this is happening to you. That was me. I was afraid. I knew him. I dated him. But I was afraid. I asked him repeatedly to step aside. He then demanded that I give me a kiss first.
I said no. My boyfriend was outside and I was madly in love with him. The ex then proclaimed that he wouldn’t open the door until I kissed him. I was so scared. You know I knew people were on the other side of that door but I was in freeze mode. My prefrontal cortex had shut down.
I said, okay but on the cheek. He agreed. He leaned and I kissed him on the left cheek and in that split of the moment when he was being kissed I grabbed the handle and opened the door and ran into the living room.
He walked out behind me.
I was in shock. I didn’t tell anyone because I was in FUCKING shock. I’ve never been afraid of someone I know.
You know what happened at the end of that party? He told people we made out. Whether to get back at that girl or whatever. He told people we MADE OUT. Like it was consensual. Like I wanted too.
My boyfriend at that time, who was the first person I’d fallen in love with, believed him. He broke up with me that very day. In fact everyone believed him.
I was so angry and heartbroken. I had been sexually harassed and nobody believed me. Infact they thought I cheated on my boyfriend who was in the next room.
I’m older now. Twelve years later. I am a feminist, the 99% kind (supremely recommend reading Feminism for the 99%) . I have been called a man-hater. But this doesn’t bother me anymore. I have witnessed a lot of sexual harassment and harassment, mostly because I worked on sexual harassment redressal committees for nearly 4 years with over 30 organizations.
I have also dated men who have punched walls while we fought. I walked out for fear my face would be next. I have done things I would not have consented too with other men only because I was afraid and alone. I have had friends and currently still have friends who have been hit by their boyfriends. Or forced into doing things because they were afraid. This is not new information for girls and women. We talk about this to each other. If we are lucky we have friends, sisters and mothers with whom we can speak and heal with. I have younger friends and older friends, and I’m privileged to be able to share and heal with them and through them. I know there are so many women, especially trans women who cannot share their lived experiences.
I don’t know what part of you healed or resonated with this story. I’m sharing this because I cannot pretend I’m above experiences of abuse. Paris Hilton, shared her story recently on her experiences of abuse. So yes, even an heiress is not untouched.
The question shouldn’t be, should we share our stories or why do women choose to stay with such people or more ‘why women’ questions. Justin Baldoni in an interview said the question is ‘Why do men harm’. And I would like to add, why do non violent men choose denial? Denial is an enabler. As long as you pretend this isn’t happening, we will continue to be abused, harassed, not believed or worse, like the girl in Kolkatta, murdered.
To paraphrase something I read on Instagram, men keep saying not all men or not me, but ALL women have a story of abuse. The math is currently not mathing.
Until this improves, it will always be ALL MEN for me.
Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See
Its been a long break, but I assure you I have been reading! Initially it was mostly academic (doing my thesis) and then branching out of my comfort zone into non-thrillers by Aussie and Kiwi writers courtesy my Kiwi cousin who has shipped half a dozen books to me!
Between my last post and now much has shifted. I moved out of my job as Head of Department and I broke up with the author of the last book I’ve reviewed here. Both tough decisions, the first more difficult than the second. Then I turned inward. This journey inward is still very much ongoing. I attached alot of my identity to my career, which I was extremely good at. I rose to a position that is reserved for lawyers without being a lawyer while signing the biggest contracts for the firm. I worked hard for three and half years doing more than 12 hours of work a day. So letting go of this was not easy. But I had to cut off from it all. No contact with my colleagues either. There was so much pain and so much unbecoming. But then December 2023 something clicked, and it felt like I could not only go through the day unscathed but also have moments to thrive.
Letting go of my relationship was not very difficult. I hardly relied on it for strength or satisfaction so that came to me easier.
Why I wanted to review this book in particular, when I’ve read two non-academic beautiful ones before this, is because I want to talk about my circle of women through this review.
In this book Lisa See takes us through the life of Lady Yunxian Tan, one of the earliest female doctors recorded in history. She uses the facts of Lady Tan’s life to imagine her story. The book is a wonderful insight into Chinese history and culture specifically the lives of women in the 1400’s. The book is divided into the four phases of a woman’s life from the time of her birth until death along with the responsibilities of each phase namely, milk days, hair-pinning days, rice and salt days and sitting quietly days.
As a feminist it was slightly triggering to read the position of women as the properties of men, their only role being to secure the lineage through a son and what happens if the wife or concubine(s) fail to do so. But as triggered as I was, I kept with it, taking it with grace and being grateful the position of women now has shifted massively through the years.
Being a lady doctor was unimaginable and even more so for a woman from an elite family. Lady Tan’s journey, her intelligence and tact in practicing medicine against odds is not just inspiring but small wins you could definitely use if you are a feminist as well.
I learnt about the female body through the writers thorough descriptions of the patients and their diagnosis given by Lady Tan. A reminder that I do need to know more about my body given that women rarely know enough about their body especially our genitalia.
The book is titled Lady Tans Circle of Woman because it records the women that held the space for Lady Tan to become all that she became as a wife, mother, doctor and most importantly, woman.
This made me reflect on the women in my
life who hold space for me too. My mother, in her wisdom and profound faith in the goodness of the universe, my older sister who through her own trials can still lend a ear. My aunts and cousins who carry me through family celebrations. My friends, my two closest ones, and my friends made from my dance community who are some of my biggest cheerleaders, my direct messages and comments on Instagram are proof. My dance teachers, current and past who have been patient and allowed me to peel back layers of doubt. The women who work in my home, their constant care. And to my grandmothers who have passed on, who have taught me strength.
I really recommend this book, especially if you are on an inward journey. Make a list of your circle of women too, I promise its alot bigger than you can imagine. Women CAN hold women up and we must hold each other close and up.
Malice: Keigo Higashino
I read my first John Grisham book at the beginning of this year. While I know there are many who worship the ground he walks on, for some reason while the book was interesting and fast-paced the ending was so anticlimactic I was completely disappointed. I realized I haven’t been disappointed by a book in a long time. So later if you have a favorite John Grisham that you think might change the way I currently feel about him, please do let me know.
This review is about Malice by Keigo Higashino a Japanese mystery legend and translated by Alexander O Smith with Elye Alexander. This is the first book in his Detective Kaga series. My friend lent me a copy of this book and said it was an easy pleasurable read. I won’t argue with her, it really was.
The book is structured quite differently. There are two narratives through which the entire plot is unraveled. One is through the lens of the murderer Osamu Nonoguchi and the other through the lens of Detective Kyoichiro Kaga. We learn mid-way that the first account Osamu Nonoguchi has given us is riddled with false information in order to steer the readers and detective onto a different path. Detective Kaga picks up on this quite quickly and we see the process of him breaking down what seems like an already solved case.
The reader is torn through the book as to whether Kunihiko Hidaka the author found dead is the victim or if the circumstance that led Osamu to kill him makes Osamu in fact the ultimate victim. I won’t reveal anything further except that I recommend this book for its easy but suspense-filled style.
Detective Kaga’s hunch is based on something quite simple. Osamu and Hidaka were portrayed by most people as being friends. But the events each are accused of, make the detective question whether such malicious things can be committed by those who value someone as their friend.
Friendships are hard for some and not given a second thought by others. I personally have struggled with friends in both making and maintaining them. I’ve never been part of a big group of friends, I have always felt out of place in big groups, and while I’m quite sociable I’ve shied away from conversations in my early years when exposed to big groups of people. I realized then that I was never gonna be a big group person. I like having people I can trust and count on and be able to extend myself in the same way. I don’t want so many people with so much access and vice versa.
Of course not like this theory has protected me from loneliness or the heartbreak of losing friends. Some friends that were lost took me over two to three years to get over. I can think of three in particular. Two of which happened the year before the pandemic. I’m not sure why they turned malicious and at what point did I allow myself to get lost and let them take over my decisions but it happened. When I stepped out with whatever will I think my mother prayed for, I realized that while they started out as friends, their actions and need for constant agreement turned the relationship into toxic friendships.
I’ve finally healed from the ugliness of what happened. I am also grateful to share that I actually have a lot of great friends in my life now and Im okay if we don’t agree on everything. I have people who are 5 years old and some at 82 years old and many in between!
I guess the point I’m making is what my dad always told me, learn to tell acquaintances from friends. Not everyone who says they have your back does and not everyone who doesn’t keep in touch won’t be available for that emergency 3 am call or a fun night out.
The book Malice triggered many memories of past failed friendships but it also reminded me to be grateful for the ones that stayed and continue to stay.
Desire: Haruki Murakami
Ending the year with Haruki Murakami. Before some of you get excited, it’s not Kafka on the Shore. It’s a collection of short stories.
The closest I’ve ever come to Murakami is buying Birthday Girl for my close friend. He also seemed like an author everyone keeps saying you MUST read. Like Ayn Rand. But if you tell me I must do something, chances are I really won’t. Also, I always thought people who read Murakami were pretentious.
But I discovered Blossoms in Bangalore (heaven in the form of a bookstore) and realized quickly that this was where my bank account was going to die, so why not begin the process with a MUST read. I know I’m making this sound like some sort of ordeal but I mean well and my humor can sometimes be quite dry.
But it was actually quite good. It did take me about a month and a half to complete 4 short stories but not because it was boring. I’ve just had the busiest month and a half. Work has been interesting but packed and I was prepping for the Winter Showcase at my dance school. Both my professional and personal life coming together like this pushed me to a lot of limits. I’m really proud though of how hard I’ve worked.
Anyway back to the man of the hour, Haruki Murakami is actually quite a remarkable storyteller. Every story has been translated from Japanese and set in Japan which is my all-time favorite country. So as he mentions some of the different parts of Tokyo I was immediately taken back to my days in Tokyo and Osaka where I have more than once maxed out my credit card.
Every story starts somewhere only to end somewhere else! A completely different tangent. For example, in The Second Bakery Attack, the protagonist finds himself in a dull and lifeless marriage but the story ends with him robbing a McDonalds with his now extremely intriguing wife! See a whole other tangent!
Murakami is not only for the pretentious (we all know that type) I was quick to judge (sorry to all Murakami fans) he suits self-proclaimed laypeople like me too. Stories of ordinary people finding themselves in extraordinary circumstances.
So if you’ve always wanted to indulge in a Murakami then start with the short stories and then maybe join me in Kafka on the Shore.
Until then you can find me in the latest John Grisham novel that my secret Santa was kind enough to get me!
Happy holidays everyone!
Only Murders in the Building- Created by Steve Martin and John Hoffman
Commitment. The reason I rewatch so many shows and rarely start new ones is my fear of commitment. I’m afraid I’d have wasted a lot of time if I commit to a show and it turns out to be bad or have an awful ending.
Much like a relationship. Of course, I have a tonne of experience there.
Only Murders in the Building was a trailer I had watched earlier this year and it looked interesting. Also, I hadn’t seen Steve Martin since Father of the Bride and I was excited.
Then my friend told me how amazing it was and available on Hotstar and I decided to think about it.
My sister and I were hanging out lazily one Sunday evening looking for something to watch and we saw it pop up and looked at each other.
Should we? It’s a show. An entire season.
I fear commitment and she cannot stand suspense. Not the best duo for a crime comedy thriller I’d say.
But we said ‘let’s do it’ and 30 mins in, we were hooked.
The cast does not disappoint and the story is brilliant. The scenes are shot cleverly. Actually, the whole show is clever. Funny when you don’t expect it and scary when you think it’s safe to relax.
I don’t want to give out spoilers but it’s definitely a show I’ve binged watched in nearly six months.
I work in the space of Diversity and Inclusion and I always find it so strange how your work will sometimes start showing up in your personal life.
Take for example, in December the world celebrates International Disability Day. At work I’ve been designing a virtual game that will allow people to understand disabilities and how we can make our workplaces more inclusive.
In about, the seventh or eighth episode of Only Murders in the Building, one of the suspects is hearing impaired. They begin the episode from his point of view and there is no sound throughout the episode. Just muffled sounds. You’re basically now experiencing the world the same way this person who is hearing impaired would. The entire episode is shot this way. Is your mind blown? Mine was! The episode ends with Steve Martin’s exclamation of ‘yes’ out loud. And thats the only clear sound in the entirety of the episode. Freaking brilliant!
The reason I am also glad that I invested in this show was because I couldn’t predict it. I hate when I can predict the story. It’s like the person has failed me. They’ve denied me the suspense that should be guaranteed in a suspense thriller. I feel cheated when I can tell the ending: book or movie.
This show had more fidelity than some of my relationships.
You cannot predict anything so do your ass a favor and inform it that it will be sitting on the edge of its sit.
I deeply recommend this show. Deeply. It’s clever and funny and full of plots twists.
It was nice to see the depth of Steve Martin and Martin Short’s acting come to life after a long time and to see Selena Gomez move from her usual teenage angst to jaded millennial.
I guess we’re all moving on then. Of course, I’m not moving on from books but in other ways, I am moving on. I’ve moved cities again! And romantically I’ve moved in a heart space I’m proud of. Vague enough?!?
Animal Farm – George Orwell
A relatively quick read about the overthrowing of humans by farm animals and the renaming of Manor Farm, as Animal Farm. Well this book is a bit more complex. At first, it is hard to keep up with who is who when most characters are introduced but as you unravel the plot along with the all-knowing third person narrator, you easily keep up.
Animal Farm is an allegory, an extended metaphor of the 1905 world event, the Russian Revolution, the whole spectacle and eventual debacle following its failure to achieve its set out goals and ultimately it’s after effects.
Astonishingly George Orwell has chosen a pig to be the leader, guide, policymaker and later dictator. If I were Orwell, I would have made the obvious choice and gone with a stallion for a leader, however, I must admit there are few like Orwell who willingly point out the hypocrisy of society through a satirical plot.
Animal Farm, true to the Russian Revolution has its very own Stalin played by Napoleon the pig, and the KGB played by the puppies turned ferocious dogs protecting Napoleon. In the very first chapter we are introduced to our first antagonist, Mr. Jones the rightful owner of Manor Farm, whom we can say is an obvious reference to Czar Nicholas ll. Now that we have all the main characters’ in place, the rest of the animals form the proletariat. Old Major is definitely a faint version of Karl, Marx.
At the beginning of the revolution the Seven Commandments were painted on the wall and referred to as the rules of Animalism, a close reference to communism. However as months went by, the Commandments became corrupted and liberal free society which was the holy grail of the revolution began to become a non-existent dream. George Orwell cleverly uses allusion, enabling the reader to make the Russian connection.
However, apart from the striking resemblance the plot has to the Russian revolution, I began to draw parallels from our national struggle for Independence. It happens to be merely coincidently that Animal Farm came to be first published on 17 August 1945, which is just two years shy from our date of Independence.
All Indians pledged in the beginning that we were brothers and sisters. Our leaders drew up our constitution, a beguiling document, inviting all Indians to fight for freedom for the sake of its implementation. Mr. Jones maybe the British Empire, but Napoleon and the rest of the pigs’ role was assumed by our political leaders.
Newspaper publications of recent times prove rampant distortion of the implementation and ideals of the constitution. The free society where all Indians are brothers and sisters no longer exists. No longer are we the one society who so bravely over threw our Mr. Jones. We are now greatly divided by caste and gender, feuding amongst ourselves, each taking turns to be a villain in his own right. The society we set out to be when Nehru uttered his speech at midnight has slowly dissolved into a divided nation where people naively follow hate propaganda without thinking for themselves. This is much like how Squealer in the book gave instructions to the citizens of animal farm.
We believe we are better off with these leaders than our British ones, just like
The animals thought they were better off with Napoleon than Mr. Jones, when in reality the state of affairs was no different irrespective of who was leading the farm. The animals were still not fed to satisfaction and life was still far from free.
In conclusion, Animal Farm for me does not only signify the Russian Revolution alone. It also has its meaning in today’s world as well. Orwell ends the book with Napoleon and Pilkington breaking bread and playing cards but still suspicious of each other’s intentions. This is much like all countries that put up a diplomatic front while tension and suspicions still brew between them.
I believe that we have too much knowledge, art, technology, science and experience to continue living with distorted ideals of justice and freedom and give our freedom fighters a break from rolling in their graves.
The Catcher in the Rye- J.D.Salinger
When I took upon myself the task of reading one classic a month in order to floss my mind, the Catcher in the Rye seemed like a good start for me. Indeed! It most definitely was good. I have always been of the opinion that classics are not very interesting and most people have read them because their syllabus demanded them too.
So I began J.D Salinger’s book with the notion that I may have to force myself to read a chapter every day. However while it took me more than a month to finish due to prior commitments, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and the part I enjoyed the most was how the idea of forcing myself to read never occurred even once.
Holden Caulfield is a character that you can easily relate to the minute you are acquainted with him. Holden is the protagonist and sometimes his own antagonist. His thoughts and feelings are spread all through the book in a first-person narrative. However, he is not an ordinary teenager going through the mundane confusion we all seem to go through with life and love. Caulfield is neither a teenager nor a grownup. He’s somewhere in the middle and sometimes his reflection and take on life could put a well-lived adult to shame.
The plot begins with him being expelled from yet another school on account of not applying himself in his academics. But he doesn’t seem too sorry for his actions. His teacher seems more upset than him. As he won’t be coming back for the next semester and since his parents are unaware of his expulsion, he decides to leave school four days early and go to New York. He hasn’t planned anything for himself in New York. He comes from a well-off middle-class family so checking into hotels and visiting some known haunts in New York is something that doesn’t require any second-guessing. Although it must be noted he may be the only teenager or even person you may ever know to hate the movies.
Loss intertwined with death is one theme running through the book with memories of his brother often being brought up by him. The loss of his brother Allie has affected his perception and reason to fight for normalcy in life and hence he seems to have given up on expressing and experiencing life the way a normal teenager would.
Caulfield has no love interest as such and the only woman he expresses fondness for is his nine-year-old sister Phoebe. He absolutely adores her and will go to immense risks like sneaking into his own home to see her or spending a small fortune on presents for her. Phoebe on the other hand is a doting younger sister and seems to do what no other professor, parent or peer was able to do, that is, talk her brother into not giving up on himself.
Holden Caulfield’s adventures in New York were for nothing more than four days spanned across two hundred plus pages keeping me also interested to know how it would end. Whether he would finally quit wandering around New York looking for life’s purpose rather than his purpose in life?
The only vocation he can see himself being fruitful and carrying out meaningfully is being a protector of children in the field of rye. This for me symbolizes his need to protect not only his sister but also other children from the evil truths of this world. This shows that he is not some rebellious teenager looking to give his parents and teachers a hard time but someone who believes that this world maybe spiraling into materialism and hypocrisy and the younger generation needs to be protected from it.
J.D.Salinger captures the angst and confusion of a teenager with brilliance considering he was in his thirties when we wrote the book. And adults seem to quickly forget the life of a teenager. Salinger with his references to the edifice of capitalism taking over life makes one ponder on whether we too have been caught up in life’s routine, ignored our inner voices and continued to be superficial beings playing no real significant part in this world.
Also, I wonder if I’d ever be interesting enough to be Holden Caulfield’s friend.
I Know A Secret: Tess Gerritsen
I had typhoid when I was in the 12th std so I had to take 2 weeks off from college. This made me miss the Malhar department interviews (Malhar is the cultural college featival of St.Xavier’s College Mumbai. This used to be a massive deal when I was still in college!).
Luckily one of my sisters best friend was head of department for Administration and she let me join her department when I resumed college. And thats my first memory of a Tess Grittsen novel.
Riding in the train reading The Sinner as I got back from late night meetings and work which was typical of the the biggest festival in the city, leading up to the main days.
This was also a phase in my life where I was moving out of a comfort zone unknowingly and moving a little in some amount of loneliness. But I was proud of myself because I ended up making some friends in that department.
The Sinner was my first Tess Gristsen book which I picked up at a books by kilo sale. All I remember was being hooked and one of the main characters being sexually attracted to a priest. Such a shocker for me at that age.
But I was hooked and I vowed I would find more of
But I was hooked and I vowed I would find more of her novels because how time would dissolve around me when I was reading.
I Know A Secret is maybe my fourth novel of Tess Gristsen and I was done in four days while being on vacation in Russia in the midst of the pandemic.
Rizzoli and Isles the TV series has been born from Tess’s book series ( I know I dont know her personally but Imma call her Tess)
This plot is gripping.
Set in Boston I assume Detective Jane Rizzoli to have the typical accent someone
from boston would Chowdah or coffee (Oh clam chowder is actually pretty good, and I found Boston is such a cozy city where I was lucky to be taken into the heart of China Town with Chinese colleagues and tasted food I would have never discovered on my own) and her brash sense of humour and bravery is a food match to Medical Examiner Maura Isles mysterious demeanour.
They make a good crime fighting pair. Two women solving crimes that are so heinous is not something we witness in fiction often. Writers usually leave the gross murders for characters that are more male
This is what I like about Tess. She doesn’t hold back the gruesome details. The plots are always twisted and you can see each character in the novel especially Rizzoli and Isles fighting stereotypes to solve these gruesome murders.
This plot has a killer leaving the victims in odd positions symbolic to Christianity. One characters in various parts through the novel narrates in first person which for a minute was odd since majority of the book is in third person.
This ‘feature’ if you can call it that adds a layer of curiosity. Who could this mysterious narrator be?
While reading I was so into the book that even in a room full of people, when my sister called my name, I shrieked! I was so caught up, curious and nervous I was scared for the lives of the characters! This book once again is a journey, mine happened during my already exciting Russian journey and for that this book will always be memorable.
Why dont you choose yours?
Ps: Given the amount of twisted murder mysteries I read, my sister said I can be very disturbing (because I laugh when I narrate to her the gory parts!). Im taking this as a compliment.
Pardonable Lies: A Maisie Dobbs Novel- Jacqueline Winspear
Lies. Pardonable lies. What type of lies fall under this category. I assume little white lies fall under them. Like when we did not tell my 90-year grandpa who had just lost the love of his life that his friend had also just passed. Things like that assume.
There were parts of this book that resonated. One of course being that it is set post WW1 on the brink of WW2. The plot is so clever. Just brilliant. It could be my bias for female writers but this one was clever, clear, and unpredictable. Adjectives that don’t necessarily go in the same sentence.
We’re currently living exactly like the climate described throughout the book. People who’ve survived the war but lost their loved ones, finances, security, and sense of safety. And then when some normalcy arrives, the second wave hits. In the book though WW2 is approaching.
We’re in the midst of a war and it’s better to acknowledge all the signs than live in blissful ignorance.
I know I’ve alluded to personal details about my life and never really shared the whole story but I didn’t want the website to become a virtual dear diary. That being said, the book was my solace for two weeks. Losing my grandpa 4 months after losing my grandma and then walking away from someone I thought was a long-lasting something two days after the funeral was a hard hit.
So Pardonable Lies is where I escaped. That and stretching. I’m aiming to get my splits at least this year!
I’m particular and anxious about sharing my life with people so putting up details on the internet makes me a tad bit uncomfortable. If you’re asking, then Bianca why do it, sometimes sharing helps someone who is reading. They realize they aren’t alone in case they are going through something similar.
In this book, psychologist and detective Masie Dobbs not only has to go looking to prove the death of Sir Cecil Lawton’s son but must also face her big demons too. I wanna say a quick little thing about battling demons.
An aunt I love once told me, ‘If I listened to the demon in my head, Id never get out of bed’
Waking up, brushing teeth, looking in the mirror wondering what the day will be like, busy or not, any fires to put out or mistakes to be made, will I exercise after work? Should I eat breakfast or skip lunch?
All the same questions, pushing the demons that came to haunt in the quiet time of last night, back into the corner of the brain.
My demons are so peculiar sometimes. Guilt. It’s my demon. It’s a pretty big useless demon to have. Nothing of value ever comes out of it. Loneliness is a slightly bigger demon for me.
Social media is a love-hate place for me. Sometimes serves as a reminder I wish to forget. Moments where I allowed someone to make me feel small, or unworthy, or embarrassed. Shame is also my demon mixed with the past.
Can a what-if’s count as a demon? Or is the fear of showing your authentic self a demon?
Where do we escape from these demons? In our days I assume. In our laptops and daily routines.
Sometimes at night or in my morning meditation, I sit with them. Try to understand them. Do as Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield say, hold them with compassion. I do feel better sometimes. Sometimes I don’t. But I know this, ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear.
They will come back to haunt.
Masie Dobbs faces hers. While solving mysterious war disappearances, she faces her own demons she’s buried deep. And no, there’s no big triumphant victory bell when she does. Because sometimes there isn’t. We don’t live in blockbuster movies. You have to keep facing them until they get smaller and smaller and less threatening. So she starts right at the origination of some of her big demons. That’s effing brave.
I know you’re picking up on how this review is not structured and more Bianca and less Book, but this book was a pretty sweet escape. So if you’re currently feeling a little worse for wear, Pardonable Lies can be your temporary escape.
Kill The Father-Sandrone Dazieri
I judged the title and I bought the book. I’ll admit it. I mean come on, when you first look at it, it reads as Kill Father.
The book has been lying around the house since October 2020. And I received lots of not-so-happy reactions from my family. Given my strong views on Religion, they initially believed it was about killing a priest, which I assure you it is not.
If you’re thinking it took me five months to read the book, well it didn’t, it took me 5 days. I began the book initially in October 2020 but wasn’t consistent. The book is addicting and brilliant but my close friend became unwell and then passed away in early November. I couldn’t read or focus on much for a long time post that.
The close friend was my grandma. She was graceful yet sassy. She’d been with my now 90 yr old grandfather for 74 years! Jesus! My longest relationship was 2 years and the majority of it was long distance!
Navigating romantic relationships is not easy especially when you’re trying to find a way to not lose yourself in the process. This year seems like a learning year for me. Learning when to compromise and when to draw my boundaries. Sometimes even the boundaries we have to draw with ourselves can be difficult.
Kill The Father is all about going out of your comfort zone. Both protagonists are trauma survivors and have both been tasked with the mission of finding a serial killer known as The Father.
Set in Rome, Italy, Andre one of the protagonists is a victim and only survivor of The Father. He has been battling every day since trying to move on and survive from the traumatic experience, only to be pulled right back into it when The Father resurfaces after 25 years. Deputy Captian Colomba Caselli on the other hand, has survived an explosion in the literal sense, leaving her with severe signs of PTSD, causing her to leave the Italian police force altogether. But the case in an unexpected way much to her dislike reels her in as well.
Every time you think they’ve gotten The Father or come close to getting him, the plot changes, and you’re left wanting more. It explains why I read for 6 hours without putting the book down, without drinking water, and without using the restroom.
Reading the book sent me back to remembering a few flights I had to Italy, especially Roma as the natives say. It’s a city of ruins so beautiful it took my breath away (cliche’ but no other metaphor I can think of). I’ve been there in winter and summer. Both times I’ve had lovely trips. In summer I’ve eaten gelatos, pizzas, drank wine, and found profiteroles rolls I still dream of (the ones in the Italian Carrefour: Please don’t judge me!) The food in Italy is delicious and you have to go to understand!
Fun fact btw, I cannot pronounce pizza properly!
Well getting back to the book though, it takes you through the highs and lows of being on the police force, the limitations police officers have and their sense of duty many of them hold so dearly.
I deeply recommend this book. It’s so full of twists and turns you may need to set aside a whole day just to have the full experience. It took me 2 hours AFTER reading to come back to reality to realize it was JUST a book. Because that’s the power Sandrone’s writing can have and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on it.
PS: I also lost my grandfather at the time I decided to put this on the website. It’s been difficult to lose two people that were a big part of my heart and world. I realize I was blessed to have them and the relationship I had with them up into my adulthood but, it doesn’t make the pain of them moving into the light any less.
Time of Death - Mark Billingham
We’re sticking to suspense thriller again. I have to say I have slight anxiety, so it takes a lot of willpower for me not to skip pages and read who the culprit is. And this ending was definitely something I didn’t see coming.
Who else hates when you can predict the ending? Well then with this book, you won’t be disappointed.
Time of Death is part of Mark Billingham’s Detective Inspector Tom Thorne series. A loner detective always breaking the rules to solve the case. I know it may sound cliche-ish but I promise this book packs a big punch.
This is my first Mark Billingham novel and it definitely won’t be my last. This plot revolves around Thornes’s girlfriend DS Helen Weeks, who returns home after many years due to a current case that links to her past thus cutting Tom and her vacation short. But through most of the plot, she refuses to reveal why she really has come back and she insists on staying even though this is not both their jurisdiction.
Thorne however is drawn to the case and even though local police are not happy with his involvement as they believe they have solved it, Thorne cannot help himself and begins his own investigation on the side much to their dismay.
Coming back home reveals many tiny secrets typical of small communities and even though Helen is unhappy throughout the story yet she continues to stay, sometimes taking out her frustration on Thorne.
It’s difficult. We all do it. And I know it’s terribly wrong, to displace our anger on people who love us. I’m very guilty of this. Here’s my new strategy, if I extremely angry or sad I wait till I’m calmer before I touch my phone and text something I will definitely regret. I can be very unreasonable when angry.
So, ‘coming home’ was one of the running themes and it resonated very well with me.
I spent five years away from the place I grew up in. 5 years with a giant learning curve, especially learning about myself and the things I value.
Coming home has had its perks. Firstly, home food. Considering how sometimes I ate microwave popcorn for breakfast, you can understand how home food is a big perk.
But coming back hasn’t been easy. From having my own space and apartment (sort of) to now living with family who sometimes forget that I used to live alone, this is especially a factor when they ask me what time I’m coming back home which initially was unusual since nobody asked me for 5 years! Of course, there’s a lot more adjustments and the small fear of walking into blasts from the pasts! Coming home has been tough in many ways but here’s what I’ve learned and I’m grateful for;
- Moving is hard.Moving countries is harder. And I had STUFF. Like 480 kgs of stuff. Which I packed and shipped home all by myself. Seriously not a lot of help from anyone. All leaving formalities were done by my lonesome. The whole process was overwhelming and daunting and had me crying alone several times. But I learned, if I could do THAT, I could handle a lot more.
- Lonelinessis something I’ve battled since I was really young. And it amplified in 2019. So moving back to be around people that love me was a relief. I know it’s something I have to deal with but it’s less hard when you have family and friends.
- Love. In 2019 I was convinced I would never love again. 2020 laughed and showed me I can!
- Dance.Oh my god, DANCE. I’ve always dreamt of learning but confidence and time got in the way. Dance is helping me work on my confidence and it’s been something I’ve held onto tight this year! I haven’t mastered my pirouettes but I’m getting there! Just learning more about how to live less in my head and more in my body.
- Grandparents. My sister’s and my love for old people come from our giant love for them. Moving back allowed me to spend lots of time making them laugh and they’ve added so much joy to my life and added to another Instagram account dedicated to my grandma!
9-5. When I was leaving the ‘glamorous life of traveling around the world’, there were lots of fears, a lack of computer skills, and just a general lack of a 9-5 job experience. So many people were convinced I was making the worst decision of my life. I moved anyway, got a job I love and brilliant colleagues. And yes, those computer skills got a whole lot better!
So here’s my conclusion, Time of Death, readit. It’s excellent. If you think 2020 should have fewer surprises then don’t read it. Because this book has a lot of plot turns. The decision to move back, excellent again. Learned my comfort zone is always up for expansion.
So here’s my actual conclusion! I listened to my heart, turned off all the junk people were telling me, packed my things, and got going. (Bumper sticker worthy?)
A Legacy of Spies- John leCarre'
If you’ve ever watched Tinker Tailor Solider Spy then you can imagine my surprise when I found out that A Legacy of Spies was written by the same author!
I always find treasures at the ‘Books by Kilo’ sale. Completely aware of a raging pandemic, I journeyed with my friend to a book fair much against my parent’s wishes sometime mid-June. Of course this bit of information may see much dismay but it was totally worth it. We were armed with gloves, masks and sanitizers, we picked a weekday and went in the afternoon and found ourselves in a room full of books and books and five other people. In case you were wondering, this is called Paradise.
To save you the trouble of wondering if this book is any good, let me enlighten you on the fact that John leCarre served in the British Secret Service himself both MI5 and MI6 (I honestly didn’t know there was a difference until now). So of course this book is legitimately brilliant!
The book is sort of backwards. The crime is committed ,of course ,but till the very end we still don’t know why, although we do know the who. Peter Guillam is a retired spy, although once a spy always a spy. When an old case, comes back ,it brings with it memories of a great love and many betrayals set in the cold war where nobody really knew who their real enemy was.
Peter Guillam recounts his spy days through the report he must read, taking us with him and goes back in time to the old spy days. Much like me in that way.
I’ve spent five years of my life living on a plane. I’ve seen so much that sometimes when I look back at my pictures, it feels almost unreal that any of that has even happened. This year was always meant to be special. It is definitely going down in history as the year of The Pandemic but for me it will always be The Transition. The year I left behind everything I knew for five years and came back home. Isn’t that what 2020 has been like though, going back to find answers and question everything? Just going back.
I throw the word home around quite loosely. Like Peter Guilam, our protagonists, home is a feeling and never a place. He still struggles to find his place in the world outside the spy game and I’m still trying to find my footing in a 9-5 life and no longer living out of my suitcase.
I left Dubai for many reasons, one mostly being because I was never meant to stay. Other being, I had to find myself outside of the world I was living in. Outside the continuous travelling, outside the night life of the vibrant city, outside of the loneliness, outside the new friendships and heartbreaking failed ones but mostly out of a failed relationship that I didn’t know I would survive the way I did.
Well there are many more books to review for us to get to know each other better.
Till then, grab a copy of A Legacy of Spies and discover the Cold War like never before!
About Me!
I love turning off the world and diving into suspense thrillers which are my all-time favorite, or books about life and love and sometimes even books about health, nutrition and the universe! My interest varies so you and I will never be bored.
Before you go ahead and discover what I’m reading at the moment, let me give you a little preview of what to expect. This is not a strict review of books, its more about how the words on a page have brought about change or just excitement in my life. So as you read, I’m hoping we get to know each other a lot better.
Honestly, even if you aren’t an avid reader, or for you your emails and Whatsapps are the only things you account for as reading, I’d still love for you to join me as I experience some books and dive into the minds of some very talented writers.
If a book or an author has piqued your interest and you’d like for me to test the waters before you invest your time in it, I’d be willing to try and do that for you.
And, when I’m not sitting in what my mum calls ‘bad reading light’ staring wildly through my glasses which I never clean (sorry ma!) you can find me battling procrastination in order to finish writing projects, aspiring to be an animal owner, eating lots of cake, enjoying lots of music and singing to my grandparents about them sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g (I’m a strange grandchild, I’ve been told quite often)
Now, let’s read!
PS: I’ve added a link to the book at the bottom of each post. If I’ve convinced you (says quiet prayer) that you must have it, then click on it. I promise to not come in the way of what the heart wants.
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